The Midnight Library, Matt Haig

What kind of life do you live? Is it one you are proud of? Are you happy? Would you do things differently?

Matt Haig presents us with an idea: as you

hover between life and death, you have the opportunity to change everything.

In the twilight of your existence there is a place, shrouded in mist. This place can be anything - a library, a movie store, a restaurant. For Nora, it’s a library (I like to think mine would be as well).

As I began this book it didn’t seem relevant to my life, but as I made my way through it I realized that it was incredibly applicable to me. It made me begin to think about the decisions I make and how I choose to live my life going forward. It made me question how I had been doing things.

Throughout the story, Nora tries on different versions of herself for size and it got me thinking about how we make decisions every day. About the butterfly effect of every blink, every breath, and every step. Because everything is connected and even the smallest change can affect the whole. So how was I living my life? Was it in a way that I loved and was proud of? I was shocked to find that…yes, actually. I am.

Of course there are some changes I need to make and I plan on implementing those within my career, but in regards to my personal life I am very pleased with how it’s going. Cory and I are settling into marriage and what that looks like for us. We’re talking about our future and making plans. But what hit me the most about this book is when Nora asks for a gentle life. Reading those chapters felt like “home” for me. It felt like what I am meant to live in. Not her situation, not at all. But a gentle life.

Ultimately Nora realizes this life is not for her, but it was my favorite part of the book. Because gentle is the perfect adjective. As I read the words, I pictured a cool fall breeze and sunshine, warmth inside her heart and perfect contentment. When it ended, I mourned that Nora was not living what, to me, was perfectly happy.

This got me reflecting on my own existence, and I was pleased to come to the conclusion that for the first time in my life, I know for a fact that I am exactly where I need to be; I find joy and pleasure in small, peaceful things; I would prefer to read books and drink coffee rather than to drown in my own ambition or explore new corners of the earth; I want to continue cultivating a gentle space around me, and sphere of influence that draws that golden light into its circle. I want to be the guiding hand and the comforting presence that folks need when they are in turmoil. I want to nurture myself and others. That is all I want.

And I am lucky enough to have it, now.

When discussing this with my book club, I enjoyed hearing about their reactions to the book and how each of them reflected on their own lives because it taught me so much about them as people. I, in turn, enjoyed telling them about my reaction because in the last few days I have had an enormous amount of internal reflection about nearly every aspect of my life…and it was rewarding and comforting to be able to tell them what I learned about myself and how I plan to move forward. Basically what I am trying to say is that this book came at a fortuitous time for me and hit just right. Was is the best written book I’ve ever read? Maybe not. But I appreciated that the author presents us with a simple idea that has complex consequences.

I am going to leave you here, with the simple reminder to go read something lovely, my dears.

xoxo

is.